i forgot how rejuvenating a run in the park can be. with the wind and everything else around you flashing past; the steady, reassuring thud, thud, thud of your feet on the ground; the endless blue skies; music in your ears and in your head… i don’t know why it took me so long to get my butt out there, but i must try to remember all these sensations when my will power starts to waver.

what an amazing week. no work, nothing. a little lull. time to catch up on life and all the little things that do not matter. perhaps i shall endeavour to make breakfast again on sunday.

and here, i must stanch the flow of words. or rather, the flow has dried out by itself. i cannot focus on writing because my entire soul and being is attempting to make a decision – should i eat that chocolate bar in the fridge? the internal war goes something like this – yes, because no one else would. no, but you just spent more than thirty minutes running! yes, denying yourself is the surest way to gaining more weight. no, it’s always that ‘one bite’ that does it. yes… no… yes… no… it’s an amazing self-sustaining exercise that goes on and on for the longest time in my mind.

would it make a difference if i ate it tomorrow…? if i’m going to eat it anyway… oh well…

just as i was swimming happily in confused dreams about the female P having psychic powers (she actually was a professional medium and had people coming to ask her things about their fortunes. and she found my lost earrings!), choir uniforms that i had neglected to send for laundry, and living in a big house with a decorative tombstone in the front yard (?)… my wake-up call came in the form of my former manager wanting me to do a piece of work for her. well. so much for the much-needed shuteye. i feel as if i haven’t slept properly, in my bed that is, for the longest time.

a strange creature visited my room last night and scared the wits out of me. it was a flying thing that looked somewhat like a dragonfly at first sight, but resembled a cockroach once it settled. it did settle – on my couch, no less. fortunately enough for me, it decided to stop roving long enough for me to gather my computer and dash to the hall for shelter. i stayed there the rest of the night, alternately working and falling asleep on the cold floor, but at least the thing was gone by morning. so many rooms in the house and it had to visit mine.

incidentally, i am a new fan of eta’s potato chips. there are a thousand flavors (alright, i exaggerate. maybe a dozen or so) but i could only find a couple in the local stores. i have been living off feta and garlic crisps since last night. i will probably try out the garlic aioli the next time pms swings by (although strictly speaking, any time between your last menses and your next is a pre-menstrual phase, is it not?)

but i must really start to curb my diet, and will actually start going to the gym today. woohoo! let’s hope i do not start wheezing and end up using that as an excuse again. i do hate feeling like a piece of fat, going around saying ‘let the fat roll. yeah’.

thunderbird is still acting up. i am so mad. if one of the best email clients in the world cannot work with me, i am somewhat forced to accept that the problem lies with me. that is a sad revelation. cause for more chips-bingeing!