all these questions… all these questions… and not a single answer for them.

alfie (dionne warwick)

what’s it all about, alfie?
is it just for the moment we live?
what’s it all about when you sort it out, alfie?
are we meant to take more than we give
or are we meant to be kind?
and if only fools are kind, alfie,
then i guess it’s wise to be cruel.
and if life belongs only to the strong, alfie,
what will you lend on an old golden rule?
as sure as I believe there’s a heaven above, alfie,
i know there’s something much more,
something even non-believers can believe in.
i believe in love, alfie.
without true love we just exist, alfie.
until you find the love you’ve missed you’re nothing, alfie.
when you walk let your heart lead the way
and you’ll find love any day, alfie, alfie.

i haven’t awaken from the drunken stupor that i fell into somewhere between japan and singapore. everything seems to be getting worse just as it seemed to be getting better. after having spent a mini bomb on what they call a specialist, the cough seems to have made up its mind to remain lodged in my lungs. every single day passes by in a blur of sleeping, wheezing, failed medication, and failed attempts to work and get my act together. everything fell apart today – i fended off translation requests at 6.30am, extreme nausea from 8.40am, and could neither move nor look at any moving text or images all the way till late afternoon. a tetchy agent could not care less that i could barely sit up and insisted that her work be completed today. work, i might add, that i did not even commit to.

i write this while listening to dionne warwick’s alfie on loop. for no special reason, really. it is just one of those sort-of-comforting yet sort-of-sad songs that bear listening to over and over again when you are sick and tired. her voice smacks of monochrome tv, hot tea, and childhood heartaches… the perfect blend of angst for nights like these.

but there are always things to laugh about.

i received a bill from japan that asked me to “make sure the amount of money we have demanded is correct.” my aunt sent an email-load of funny ‘japlish’ signs, and a friend sent another mail choke full of dumb blonde jokes that had me laughing as hard as my rapidly disintegrating body would allow.

here’s one of those jokes:

while looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn’t want the sun waking him up every morning. she asked, ‘does the sun rise in the north?’ when my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for some time, she shook her head and said, ‘oh, i don’t keep up with that stuff.’

but the real nugget is this video that another friend sent.

yes, there’s always something to laugh about.