i fell asleep again last night without finishing what i had set out to do. despite being able to rise before 7 every morning without an alarm, i am in despair over my ‘cinderella situation.’ i need more time; more time to walk, read, think, write… even time to mope around. there just doesn’t seem to be enough time. already, april is coming to an end. summer, and then fall. seasons really do change the way we perceive time.
i do feel somewhat more settled now. i go to school, go for choir, have deadlines to meet, clean and wash and scrub, go for solitary walks, ponder and worry, dream and weep. i am lulled to sleep by, and wake up to, the sounds of trains running by my window every day; i listen, every saturday morning, to the coordinated sounds of cheerleaders practising at the high school right across the railway tracks; i watch the cherry blossoms bloom and wither, giving way to a dazzling array of colorful spring flowers. yellow! purple! red! i sit through earthquakes, watching my teacup shake and wondering if i should run. now. now. alone, and yes, sometimes lonely. but cool with it all.
if someone were to ask me, how are you? i suppose i can finally say, without having to lie through my teeth, that i am fine, thank you.
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Tags: seasons, tokyo life, work
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