a moment of silence
just a personal moment, really. for all the innocents who have perished in all the senseless acts of violence, minor and major (although no such act could really qualify as being a ‘minor’ one), at any point in human history.
i felt incredibly guilty last night, because as others had tiptoed around in wide-eyed fear, wishing only to live past the moment of terror… i had been out laughing and having fun. reading the news is always a guilt-trip. you wonder if the ability to continue with your own life (joyously) is a sin; if it means you are a callous and indifferent person; if you would somehow be punished for being happy; if you should try much harder to do something rather than sit around talking about how sad it all is.
lots of activists talk about how even a single person can make a difference. it is true, and sometimes we can. but when faced with something as mammoth as peace, as deep-seated as intolerance, as insurmountable as power, i feel helpless and cynical. i cannot believe that any of the efforts made by an infinite number of activists and volunteers are making even the smallest ripple in the still (stale) waters. we talk about raising awareness on issues, and i daresay we are so much more aware than we ever used to be. but the issues only grow in number and size, and none of the old ones ever come close to being resolved. how to act? what to act on? is it actually possible to be one of those everyday heroes?
so today, as i laughed and joked and made plans for christmas, i wondered if i should feel guilty after all for living my life, for worrying about my little worries, for making my little memories. i can, after all, help no one by walking around moaning about the state of things or praying for a better world. still, i cannot put aside this nagging feeling that i have missed something – that there is still a chance to do much good with this life of mine, and that maybe, somehow, i really can make a difference.
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