to everything there is a season
i think this came from the bible, but i know it as a song i learnt when i first stepped into the world of choral music… 15 long years ago.
i’m thinkng about this song today, among a thousand other things churning in my mind. i don’t know what to think first – it is like trying to stop twenty hyperactive children who are running circles around me. i just have to grab each one as he goes past, and hope that the hyperactivity eventually comes to a standstill.
talked to a couple of good friends today about… well, things you talk about at eight and twenty. a potential new love. a wife. a baby. a new career. and as always, i found myself at a loss for words at some point in time. if i were in a movie, you could have done that detachment thing to me – they fell away from focus, and all i could see was a blurred image of moving mouths… i could hear nothing issuing from those mouths. i felt horribly lonely.
how do you put into words this gamut of emotions - envy (perhaps even jealousy?), yearning, angst… yet all commingled with some sort of contented happiness? the desire to be alone and different; yet, a desperate need, too, to conform, to be comforted, to be one of them.
i want to stop pining. i don’t know how to. hiding the pain does not seem to be a way out after all.
among other things…
wordpress is agonizingly slow tonight, or it could be my local connection. thunderbird is getting negative vibes from my hotmail account again. i realized that it does so every time hotmail upgrades its system, and it’s not exactly hotmail’s fault… but i’m still annoyed. cool breezes. spicy food churning in my stomach. that endless wheezing. compliments. insults. parties. concerts.
life spins round and round and round, alternately giving and taking.
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