it sucks to be me…?

03Nov08

not really. i’m not in one of those bitter, angsty, reflective moods. it’s just avenue q and funny puppet voices reverberating in my head.

i’m quite happy to be me, really. most of the time, other than the odd week or so every month when nothing can please me (i’m thinking of tweaking my hormones with contraceptives. they’re supposed to work, no?). what’s not to be happy? i don’t have a career but i still get enough to fly places; no boyfriend (now) but there is enough love going round to have hope yet; no figure to-die-for but i can wear (most of) the clothes i want to; no brains for columbia but enough to make some sense of mcluhan and baudrillard. most of all, the luxury of whining about all these very same things when i start feeling sour and dissatisfied (and in three different languages if i so choose!) and i can have a cup of hot milo every night if i wish to (the height of luxury!). what’s not to be happy?

so why whine? i suppose it feels as if i’m keeping my life in check that way. there is something almost… dangerous… about being too happy and contented. as if you are tempting the fates (and (you never know) jealous strangers). being unhappy about something, anything, will (or should) spur me on to do something about it. it’s just a way of disciplining myself, i suppose. i don’t want to be placid. that is one of the words i hate most in the world.

and besides, it’s just fun to be a bimbo sometimes. and you can’t be a bimbo without whining. so, just for the record, it does not sucka sucka sucka sucka sucka sucka sucka to be me.

why does everything have to be so hard?
maybe you’ll never find your purpose.
lots of people don’t.
but then - i don’t know why i’m even alive!
well, who does, really?

everyone’s a little bit unsatisfied.
everyone goes ’round a little empty inside.
take a breath, look around,
swallow your pride,
for now…
for now…

nothing lasts,
life goes on,
full of surprises.
you’ll be faced with problems of all shapes and sizes.
you’re going to have to make a few compromises…
for now…
for now…

but only for now! (for now)
only for now! (for now)
only for now! (for now)
only for now!

for now we’re healthy.
for now we’re employed.
for now we’re happy…
if not overjoyed.
and we’ll accept the things we cannot avoid, for now…
for now…
for now…
for now…

but only for now! (for now)
only for now! (for now)
only for now! (for now)
only for now!

only for now!
(for now there’s life!)
only for now!
(for now there’s love!)
only for now!
(for now there’s work!)
for now there’s happiness!
but only for now!
(for now there’s comfort!)
only for now!
(for now there’s friendship!)
only for now (for now!)
only for now!

only for now! (sex!)
it’s only for now! (your hair!)
it’s only for now! (george bush!)
it’s only for now!

don’t stress,
relax,
let life roll off your backs
except for death and paying taxes,
everything in life is only for now!

each time you smile…
…only for now
it’ll only last a while.
…only for now
life may be scary…
…only for now
but it’s only temporary

everything in life is only for now.

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Tags: avenue q, whining